Saturday, May 29, 2010

Everyone Looks "Cool" On A Segway

Everyone Looks "Cool" On A Segway

This is kind of another modern technology rant like my Ipad article. I can fully see this turning into a series of posts. heh Ipads are silly...

So onto segways. I don't know what good ole Dean from Hampshire was trying to create when he bought this sort of person into the world.

Don't worry it's not like she payed $5300 - $7000 for this hip and fashionable look, honestly though she can't even use her new age tool *that's right I called it a tool. Not gadget or technological device, rather a tool for the "funky fresh" stage of paedestrianism? *zat a word?**  in Australia due to road and safety laws banning the use of them on roads and walkways. They must be too much for our kangaroo buddies down under.

Police are even using these things. They go suprisingly fast as well like 20km/h *bummer for the Americans no imperial for you*. I can see the point of these more so than an Ipad though.

Now I can vouch for bum lame sports (*cough* underwater hockey) but something that costs about $5000 to play is just silly...


Aaaaah so there's your imperial, 12m/h. And at least they agree with me by saying it's a nerd sport. What I think is pretty cool about the segway is that you can actually own a Ferrari brand segway! Well atleast that's what wikipedia says.

Well that was my little what's what and who's nerd for the time being. I'm writing this in the morning after last night. You'll know my complications if you have a quick glance through my last post Welcome To Saturday Night I'll catch you guys later. Enjoy your weekend people from around the world. NZer's, get ready for another tedious week. aaaawww.

Thanks for reading my post people and stay nerdy :)

Welcome To Saturday Night

Welcome To Saturday Night

Well people how is your night going??? Well I am going super as I've just been out on a saturday night chattin' with the shielas *some colloquial language for you aussies* and drinking with the mates. I'd just like to say that man a flask full of bourbon doesn't go very far these days. What am I saying? This post is even boring me! If I were you I wouldn't read on from here but spoiler alert it gets better... I think.

Haha it was google fail for this one and google fail very rightly it was? Does that sentence make sense?

Ok so this isn't a very relavent post considering the state of my body and mind, it's rather a check up on my blog. I wanna keep this stuff dynamic so I gotta be regular with my updates. So people! You know what you should do. Post me a comment telling me the colour of your hair or something. Or maybe, maybe the name of your pet and try typing it with your elbow. That might be a good idea. Yeah do that. Sorry for the non sensicle ramblings but I'm having fun doing this post :).

It was I can't think straight for this image. Huh I wonder why 0.o...

Along with my prior challenge set up above ^ I want you to type something lame/wierd into google and link to the wierdest image on the front page. I honestly don't expect anyone to actually reply to this post considering the newness *zat a word?* of my blog and the time people have to spare. But come on take some time. Who would of thought from the example above right :)

Anyways congratz to my brother Ben who just bought a house, and my brother Tom for getting a set of golf clubs. Tom has already got a house in the inferior country to NZ, Australia, so gratz for back then I guess, but staying in the present I hope Ben you have the best for your new house. His blog is up in the blog roll. Check out his travel blog, he may not be traveling in the recent but it's cool to see where he's been and what he's done, give it a look it's pretty cool.

Bro Ben with a tiger. See more at Ben and Kerri's Travel Blog

So another quick check up due to shortness of time and drunkness of Sam. Sorry for the slight sloppy approach to my blog once again. But honestly, retweet this and stuff, leave me a comment on whats happenin', it's always good to see whats up.

Cya round people, stay chilly!

Friday, May 28, 2010

The Ipad Seems So Useless

I can't see the whole great idea of the new technological advancement that is the Ipad. See now heres how I see it.

It's a viewing device for old senile citizens who can't read from books any longer because text can't be enlarged. The Ipad is a sorry excuse to earn money as a sort of extension to the "Ipod Touch" and "Iphone" series. I can see the point in small handheld devices with cool little games on them. I can't however see the point for this. And neither can the author.
Thanks to the great eye opener the author painted here :)

So as I can see it all the people buying Ipads are sad saps just paying out the ass for something that to me seems useless. Now I offer a challenge. This one ain't too hard.

What the hell is the point for Ipads!

Now I can't afford an Ipad.Well I can't afford to spend hundreds of dollars on a seemingly pointless piece of hardware. Is there even any cool games? Like as far as I've seen it's good for scrabble and browsing the daily paper both which you can get for about $20 at max.

So today is just a short rant about the Ipad. Times a bit short so the post is too.

If you have the time reply back and give your opinion. :)

Stay Chilly :)

Guess what I googled for this one :)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Profound Truth

The Profound Truth

this entry is no "Letter to Lindsay Lohan" or in depth look at the "complex aesthetics of Megan Fox" *know what I'm saying, know what I mean. Heh heh*. No this is just an update with whats been going on lately. You see due to some stuff going down with the kiwis and tuis here in NZ I haven't been able to get to throwing out a blog post. Soooooo I'll just give a quick run down...

- Got a haircut.

No but in all honesty I've just been busy, getting ready for my school ball, feeling the wrath from my parents due to the exam results I just got. In conclusion I don't actually know when I'll be getting my next post out but I hope it's soon. Go check out some of my other posts in the mean time! I'll try get a really good post out soon but untill then.

Stay chilly people ^_^ whaaaaat?

I typed in ninja lol for this one. Not that funny though...

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Dear Lindsay Lohan

Dear Lindsay Lohan

I am writing this in regards to your appalling lifestyle and the bad example you now set our once good youth. You see Lindsay there use to be good times when you weren't a drug abusing excuse for a human. Remember the days of movies like Herbie? When you played a good protagonist who didn't show her private parts because you were too lazy/ not so much of an attention seeking camera hoe to put on underwear. Now you've resorted to malicious parts in programs like Ugly Betty, job snaking and being a self centred douche like your misfit real life persona. With this steady decrease in your personal care for the showing of your nether regions I pose the quote that you once upon a good time said.

"Beauty is grace and confidence. I've learned to accept and appreciate what nature gave me."

We understand that you are confident with yourself but please. For the children stop showing your vagina! If you expose it someone is going to see it. You may not understand this but there is a cult of people following you around at every moment just for that exact reason. Unless you condone the creepy stalkerish exhibitionary then put it away!

"If I dated as many people as they said I have, then I would be dead, because it's just not possible."

This quote to me poses a question. Does having sex with them count as dating them? By the sounds of your profound mumblings it doesn't. I just ask that Lindsay you have some more courtesy for the public because we as a society don't have a choice to see this when your cooch shows up on the news.

Yours Sincerely


Put it away woman!

So yes that was my letter to Lindsay. Hope she gets it and feels inspired to take a different life path of sex, drugs and nip slips. Man do I feel dirty having to Wikipedia her movies and stuff and ew even worse quotes. I thought people who actually deserved it like Andrew Ryan got their quotes published on sites *just an FYI bioshock has some of my favourite quotes of all time in that game. Play it and enjoy it. go go go.*

Anyways see you cool cats later!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Sporting Fail Of The Year

Sporting Fail Of The Year

Now we have seen some pretty bad things happen at my school. Just yesterday a kid stole a car, crashed it and caused a three car pile up then ran through the school with a screw driver while a helicopter and platoon of police officers hunted this kid and his passenger down through the school. Do you know what the funny thing about all this is though? Well when a totally innocent, law abiding citizen tried to help, the perfectly trained police dog of the NZ police mauled the humble Samaritan.

"Sick him boy!"

No but this is not the main idea of my post. No. *btw we've been on lock down twice this year and it's not even half way through the year. Anyone would think we're in the bad parts of Compton." This post is about the head of P.E at our school when presenting our half ass waterpolo team with certificates.

The story begins... In a land far far away...

We were sitting through a gruelling honours assembly to honour the great athletic achievements so far in the year. We had to listen to a lady speak and tell us about her life *she honestly told us about everything she did, at one point the crowd groaned because it went so long, her speech even went into lunch time.* Then it came to the actual certificate giving. Now get this straight the first time our totally onto it head of P.E went to say a girl called Nicole's last name he some how magically called her Nicole Kidman <-- *that one sounds like a joke* . 0.o. And let me tell you he's onto it. Then proceeding to read the waterpolo boys name we were presented with our certificates.

Softball - 2009 - Junior girls grade - western division - Sam Law

What we actually did...

Waterpolo - 2010 - Senior boys grade - North Island Tournament - Sam Law

Quick shop aaaaand...

You have my head of P.E...

Our completely onto it head of P.E managed to pull some random certificate off his shelf and write our names on it. The only right piece of information on the certificates was our names.

He then went onto miss a girl's name out completely, showing how much actual concentration the old fart had.

It doesn't stop there. When giving me my badge instead of a waterpolo badge he gave me a soccer badge. :P I went back to him later and got my actual badge and now have both soccer and waterpolo, so that one was kind of a win. But honestly this guy definitely deserves the king of sporting fails this year!

Props Mr Jamieson

Cya guys :)


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Megan Fox Eeeeeeew

Warning! If you are faint hearted or don't like the image of your favourtie celebrities being busted for ever into a million pieces then don't in any circumstances read this post!

Now I have a picture for you... And this one here isn't so bad. *WARNING* Partial nudity

We can agree this photo is pretty macn of Megan here *to the ignoramus' to the aesthetics of Megan Fox that is*. Don't worry more to come

Ok so lets review how "macn"

Megan really is. In 2008 the silly delusional male readers of the FHM magazine voted her sexiest woman in the world. Hahaha futile noobs...

She was chosen as number 1 in the "25 hottest stars under 25". People must be getting more repulsive day by day...

And in 2009 she was rated 2nd in Maxim's hot 100. This list must have been judged on actual temperature. I'm punny! Get it! No?...

A ravishing picture of our friend Megan here. In this picture she is totally macn tho, come back afterwards to see what I mean :)

Ok so up till now you are kinda asking yourself...
"Whaaaat Sam you be tripping that b***h be smoking"

And the pictures like the one above capture her goodness. But some other pictures make her look less good...

Why do i slander my site with this smut. I should make it a little less worse and post MILF pictures :O

Ok so now you've seen the ironic side of this post, I'll show you the nitty, gritty, shilly? Ha what'd you think I was actually gunna say. :)

Here it is. Read disclaimer above before continuing.

Here it comes...

Be ready...

It's on it's way...

Hold on to your chair...

That's what she said...

Oh that was weak...

Really weak...


Look at it!!! LOOK at it!!! LOOK AT IT!!!

Now that your perfect image of Megan Fox has been ruined, perverts ask yourself
"Is she ever going to be in your *the word that goes here ryhmes with uuuuuhh... SWANK* bank". For all the Megan Fox perverts out there. Probably not.

Now looking up at the picture I noticed that it says it's her left hand but you try to put your hand on your face in that angle. I think it's her right hand but hey photoshop does wonders these days so no one can be sure. Now go back and look at all the photos. :) You'll see what I mean.

Cya round guys

Word from Sam

Hey guys sorry for messing with your image of Megan Fox. I'm just hoping nobody ever finds something wrong with Katy Perry I definitely have a celebrity crush on Katy Perry. I'm glad to know my exams are over I'm flu free and now I can get back to regular blog posting. I'll see you guys around and remember

Stay chilly people. Whaaaaat?

Monday, May 17, 2010

It's All Nearly Over

It's All Nearly Over

Hey peeps!

So I've been gone for a few days due to study and being sick so I haven't really had the time to throw out a blog post but here I am back again to say. IT'S ALL NEARLY OVER!!!

And I can't be happier. My exams are coming to an end and my flu is nearly gone as well so I'm doing a silent hooray for the time being. So I'm just doing a short check up post as I'm still very busy and still feeling very sick, still a lot better than what I was before. As I said I was Sicker Than A Pedo!.

So what am I going to put in this post? Not even I know yet... It's been a pretty jam packed last few days and being a teenager it's very easy to get sidetracked. O snap I just saw that thing about that little kid who was 13 or something that knocked up at 15 year old who had already had 7 sexual partners. Whaaaaaat? People these days. How would that little kid actually know where his tiddlywink goes and no wonder he put a bun in her oven, no sheath will be fitting over that kids goliath 0.o.

Sidetracking... ugh a nasty habit. Anyways I'm going to be heading out now. Hopefully I can get a better post out that actually has something good in it, and no midget diddles next time I promise.

Help the sick Sam fund by sending my copious amounts of My Favourite Noodles

Friday, May 14, 2010

Sicker Than A Pedo

Sicker Than A Pedo

Hello people *cough*. Today I'm feeling a bit under the weather and the cold bug chose the wrong time to bite. Today was also my first exam which I think I did quite well in considering how congested my head was. As my title states I'm sicker than a pedo, I don't really think I am because those people are really gross. Just remember they do have a special spot in hell saved for them. ( This is unless they go to a pedo limbo then go to a pedo heaven of some sort. This could well be fully likely if we believe in the afterlife/s. )

Instead of blabbering about how sore I am and my sick relative to pedo ratio. I thought I'd tell you what I do when I'm feeling sick.

When I first saw this I thought he was smiling and his chin was holding the thermometer

- First of all I "Recharge My Energy Gauge". It's the best thing to do if your feeling under the weather

- I also like to eat a nice hot bowl of pumpkin soupor seafood chowder (wow everything is on amazon, P.S NZ chowder looks way better than that stuff).

- Watch DVD's in the dark, I don't have the most monster movie collection out so I always end up having to watch something like "Finding Nemo" or this NZ show made in 2004, one of the most hilarious shows I've watched in my life "7 periods with Mr. Gormsby".

- I like to look at pictures of third world countries to realise I still have it better than them . What? No I'm kidding about that one, It's something Red does from "that 70's show".

- Sneeze, splutter, cough, gag, snivel. Any plethora of sick verbs, I do them when I'm sick except i don't do them like any casual person I do them LIKE A BOSS!!!

Thanks for reading. Lets hope I do well in my exams ands get better soon.

Lataz, Cough, Splutter, Die... I need me a Penny


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I'm Glad I Wasn't Naked

I'm Glad I Wasn't Naked

Ya know Jehovah's Witnesses? Well I just had a close encounter with something worse. I'm on my study leave for my mid year exams so I was in the midst of doing the routine get up late and shower slowly, have a bad breakfast and procrastinate the study fact for a good long time.

Now whilst having my shower I hear a knock at the door. I put on a towel and sneak a peek out the window. It's a lady of about 50 years of age standing outside the front door. I run to get clothes on (still dripping wet) and find denim pants and a shirt (no time for underwear). I hear the doorbell ring again as I'm putting these rough pants on and pulling this shirt on over my wet hair and soaking body. I answer the door to a lady who was like.

"Hi, we're wondering if Mrs Law or Mr Law was in?" In the most lethargic tone I've ever heard.
"Um no they're at work right now."
"Ok well are you their son?"
"Yea?" (I think I actually said it like a question, if only you had seen this lady.)
And then she said "O ok" Turns around and says.
"Lilian. We've got one."

First of all I'm not sure if she said Vivian or Lilian or even a crazy word that made no sense because at this point she wasn't making much sense anyways. Secondly. "We've got one"??? What the hell? like honestly. What the hell! It gets worse.

From out of the blindspot of my doorway an even older lady comes out and is like.
"O hello there are you a catholic?" *whaaaaaat?*
"I aaaa haven't been to mass in awhile..." *yea 13 years...*
"O ok we are trying to get back in contact with all the catholics in the area." says slightly younger lady. Looking not crazy in comparison what so ever.
"O ok, have a nice d..."
"So you're the son are you, how many siblings are there? Any younger ones who have never seen gods glory." interrupts older lady.
"One little brother and two older ones." *youngest ones 14 I think he's outta the priests hands. If you know what I mean :)... Sorry to the devout catholics

anyways this conversation continues on for another about 10 minutes with awkward questions abouts my family, siblings and my religious devotion (kinda been absent since I was 3). Anyways I bid these catholics goodbye after taking their pamphlet. THEN...

As I'm boiling my water to make me some of my favourite noodles. I hear the reversing of their van (and the jump of my joy) until I hear a car door open. I'm like *o crap did they forget something?* I look out the window and they've backed thier van into my fence. Too scared of sparking another conversation with them I just look out of my window as they try to re-adjust their van to hit my fence again. FACEPALM. Third time lucky they leave and I finally get to eat me noodles a little less stress free.

All I can say is I'm glad I didn't answer the door in a towel like I normally do. Thank you god... Maybe I should attend mass again... Maybe?

I couldn't find a closing pic so... OLD NUN

Monday, May 10, 2010

Natural Disaster In New Zealand

Natural Disaster In New Zealand

So it's 6am Saturday morning. I'd just been out late on a Friday night and was in a deep sleep. Off in dreamland making the impossible true. Let me tell you this was a great sleep, sleeping beauty's sleep was dwarfed compared to this one. The pillow, so soft. The bed, comforting. The duvet, so warm. And that's when it happened...

A sound so unruly, creeped up from the distance, out of nowhere like a thunderous, earthquake, tsunami or some other natural disaster that may confuse a sleep deprived teen. I jump out of bed with my sleep goggles still on *blurry vision obtained after a deep sleep*. Swaying through the corridors of my house thinking that at any time I could be swept, quaked or some other thinged away at any inevitable time. At this point in time of my frantic frenzy it would have been any man for himself, I would have thrown anybody out of my way to get up the stairs *in case of tsunami that is, if it's a quake or something else we pretty much just have to bend over and kiss our own asses good bye*.

A lot of people jump into water in NZ, we're surrounded by beaches. At any time this could happen, then it's every man for him self.

So there I was life flashing before my eyes to the unidentified sound and rumble. I could only think of one thing to do for my last moment and that was to gaze out the window and wait for my demise. Now looking back I can definitely say I would do something different if my last moment was about to be seconds upon arrival. But for now all I could do was look out the window at my early appointment with the after life. And there it was...

Quick fact: When I found this picture it was called Sam's scared face. Funny that...

It was a f*****g garbage truck. Slowly cruising down my street. Who in there right minds drives a loud ass truck down a street at 6am waking up even the deepest sleepers like I. The only thing I can pull from this experience is that I'm paranoid of natural disasters. I hadn't seen or heard of any danger and I'm running round my house half blind, swaying into walls ready to push any Tom, Dick or Harry out of the way to save my own life. I'm a horrible person what can I say :)

Well today's the last day before I go on study leave for my mid years. Wish me luck people, I have a few whole days off for study so I may be able to get a post out if I'm not swamped from looking at paper with info I'll probably never use in life.

Cya people :)

If you don't get this you should be ashamed of yourself

How To Make Your Blog Famous

How To Make Your Blog Famous

So here it is, the instant way to make your blog famous. Increase your views to 1000's a day just by doing these few things. Now read carefully because these things aren't too easy to pull of but with the right precision and dedication will bring in traffic like a broken traffic light. Now here's everything you Need to Know.

- Upload all the recent sex tapes of all the new celebrity hoes who want to get their name out there. Not only do you get your name out there but they get their genitals out there also!

- Offer everybody lots of money to come to your site. Just btw guys if you read this post, tell all your friends about it, twitter, stumbleupon, digg, reddit, and send it to 3 other social networking sites I will give you $50. Just saying. Do that to all my posts and I will give you money... Maybe.

- Call your website. "Local Home Pizza Delivery." Need I say more for this one? YES. You will have a very LARGE population of people swarming to your site in no time. haha I'm punny :) get it?

O man I feel like pizza at the moment

- Make Copius Amounts Of Money Here!. Like a million dollars a month, because every person to randomly start a blog can earn a million dollars a month on blogging, come to think of it, I think everybody who starts a blog makes a million dollars a month blogging. Heck I do.

- Super powers? Invisibelts sold here! *honestly on a side tangent, I've just been Amazon link dropping before but man these things actually exist to my surprise, I would definitely click that link.* Fireballs!. Heck I've never searched for super powers but come on there must be a niche out there for it somewhere. If someone does start making money off this idea, I claim some.

- Chuck Norris jokes. Kids put on Superman PJs at night, Superman puts on Chuck Norris PJs at night... Some say where his chin is, there's just another fist. *thanks Family Guy*

- Free instant noodles! If you're on the internet, you like noodles. It's a geometrically proven fact. Indomie Mi Goreng Fried Noodles for 1 Case (30 Bags). Ok this link dropping is getting ridiculous. IF you don't mind it, leave a comment. IF you find it annoying leave a comment. IF you want more links of instant noodles dropped, do I have to say it... LEAVE A COMMENT.

- Blog about the horrors of MSG and the bodies intolerability to process it in the body leaving it to be deposited in the brain possibly causing alzheimer's disease after it causing damage to your heart and various other things.

And finally the most important thing... Of all... To get you that traffic you need!

Ba ba da da da daaaaaaa. Image roll please

- Drop a post titled "How To Make Your Blog Famous" Well I'm hoping atleast :)

Haha thanks for reading guys. I hope you enjoyed my post. As for my studies, I've just come home from lacrosse training and my bodies tired. Over concentrating isn't really what I want at the moment. So blog post it is. I thought I'd throw down some random links in between all of this. So get buying those invisibelts. They do exist and man did they blow my mind.

Have a great week guys and I'll see you next time.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Recharge My Energy Gauge

Recharge My Energy Gauge

So what do I do to recharge my fuel tanks? To get me on a buzz?

Shit on Debra's desk... LIKE A BOSS!

No I don't actually but I do have some actual ideas and things that I do to get my on a hype and ready to take a bull by the horns... Or fuck a giant fish... LIKE A BOSS!!!

- I make a milo and milk combo! Ok so what's the delicious milo and milk combo? Well first you get two teaspoons of milo in the bottom of a cup (more depending on the size of cup and chocolatey goodness you want to mellow in your mouth) and a teaspoon of sugar *ACHTUNG* This ratio is directly proportional and must be executed with the utmost precision or the whole shock of energy will be ruined by either a too dilute mil solution or strong burst of sweetness and/or chocoverdose. With our dry ingredients added we want to add a small amount of boiling water to melt ingredients but not so much to make the soon to be added milk, warm (can easily ruin a good M&M combo if done wrong). Now comes the tricky part. We add the milk! Now like a pedophile strolling past a school, LIKE A PEDO! We can't be too hasty with our actions. Slowly! add milk while stirring to make sure the melted ingredients don't linger at the bottom until your mixture is at optimal colour of brown to your liking. Some may like their M&M stronger than others. Now I've made my M&M combo I can indulge in the taste symphony as a cacophony of ingenious creation emblazons my taste buds. ENERGY RECHARGED

- Listen to the most almighty song in the world! I know you all have one and mine happens to be "Forever Young by Youth Group". Don't act like you don't love this song. Every time I hear it, it reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite and him awkwardly dancing with that equally awkward chick... "I like your sleeves" Doesn't that quote just shout jump in bed with me right now? The italics just excentuate extentuate exasporate? the style of it all. No but honestly this song makes me feel like a ninja who knows illegal moves from the government :P Props to Napoleon. ENERGY RECHARGED

- Take a nap! LIKE A FUCKING BOSS!!! Ever had a really, really, really! Sweet nap? You take like a 40 minute power nap and damn do u feel RECHARGED. I dunno I heard somewhere that 40 minutes is like the magic number for REM cycles or some sort of sleep magic... Algorithm or something. But honestly if have 40 mins to spare drop a 40min alarm and nap it out. In fact there is a memorable super nap I had in calculus (no wonder) that was so good I dribbled on my book so much that upon waking my arms ripped a saliva soaked page. People took pictures, I was lucky enough for them not to land on Facebook. ENERGY RECHARGED!!!

So those are the ways I get me some quick energy into my body, recharge the battery and damn do I do it LIKE A BOSS. About all the studying I'm suppose to be doing, I've found that I know more about calculus than I actually thought so I've found time to throw in a blog post and the quick one yesterday I think it was. I'm gunna be hard at it tomorrow and I got a waterpolo game and UWH training so I don't think I'll get one in :)

Tell me how you recharge!

Catchya peeps later, hope you had a good weekend :)

LiKe A pEdO bOsS

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