Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Guy With No Virginity

The Guy With No Virginity

Hey guys!

 Yes I know it's been awhile but I'd like to say it's time consuming doing so much school work and looking for jobs and things like that. I have found some work but only temporary which kinda sucks but gives me some more time to jump on my blog and give everyone a run down of whats been going on.

So I bet you're wondering "hey Sam why is your post titled the guy with no virginity?" Well fellow reader it's because of a biology incident that happened only a few days ago. So let's find out about the guy with no virginity.

So in Biology we're learning about evolution and the parts of the brain that control different emotions, and we're being told the story of the guy who blew the front of his head of with a bolt. Turns out it changed his personality because the frontal lobe or something yadeyayaya. So he started gambling, womanizing and spending all his money, the teacher asked the class "what is this guy missing if he has no frontal lobe or one with a bolt in his head?" To which a student in my class said.

His virginity...

This raised a question to me about this guy and the whole losing of his virginity.

Would you sleep with guy with a bolt in his head or missing a forehead in this case? Yaaar I sleep with ye fore head *amazing I come up with all of these myself :).*

I rest my case

As a conclusion, you will not lose your virginity if you don't have a forehead.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Busy Like A Bee

Busy Like A Bee

Hey everyone!

I've been so busy lately! It's been hard to get a decent post out. Busy doing school work and trying to find a job. I've recently had to do a group performance for school so that I can be assessed on my musical talent, this is then followed up by a composition due in two days. It's all time consuming and you just forget about things like a blog. But hey I'm here spending a few minutes to update the world.

A main reason I've been gone for the last few days is I'm trying to find a job. One off the internet and one on it as well. I've been applying for small jobs online to see if I can get some easy writing work. There's jobs everywhere it's just finding the right one that causes the problem. Anyways the bottom line is, I've been really really busy with life.

I've also been put on a hard training schedule for my underwater hockey team, runs, press ups, crunches, countless laps of swimming it's running me down. Worst of all I've been forbidden from alcohol until the tournament but hey who wants to win gold right? I guess it will help with my under 18 trials as well, ugh I wish I could just drop it all and become a fatty.


So life's been hectic... Not much time to do anything. That was another short post of doom!

Cya people, o and stay dancing baby...

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Women Have Rights JK Go Make Me A Sandwich

Women Have Rights JK Go Make Me A Sandwich

Women and their rights. Ha! They don't have rights, god put them on earth to be our sandwich makers. Not only are they only useful for a handful of things but have a sole cause to make men sandwiches. It's not exactly sexist to in saying that "Women were only created as eye candy and sandwich makers" because I can back it up with they're good at cleaning too.


No I'm kidding I'm not a stuck up chauvinistic pig who only cares about the needs of males and their 'house locked in' due to fear female slaves. I stand up for the rights of females and believe that all females *snigger* should have an *giggle* equal *teehee* part in our society... BAHAHA I couldn't even type how I feel about this. There are only two places I feel a female should be. Kitchen or bedroom. To back up how I feel about this I will tell some jokes that are tasteful to the oppression of women.

What have you done wrong when your woman is nagging you in the lounge?
Made the chain too long

Why have women never made it to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet

Why do women live longer than men?
God makes up for the time spent parking

What do you tell the women with two black eyes?
Nothing you've already told her twice

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as you like they won't change anything


Aaaaa being completely honest now though, we studied women rights and the imprisonment of them in their domestic spheres as a side effect from abuse and fear. All in good fun though. I hope I don't get a whole lot of people saying I'm horrible for this post because I actually do think women rights and gender equality is an issue. Well we can only hope for the best for the future of our genders.

Oh and just something funny I thought I'd add. I told my little brother the last of those 5 jokes above... I mean abominations, his answer to it was. One and the other one to go and make me a sandwich. Hmmm guess society is corrupt.

Cya peeps, stay sexist... Oh wait I'm doin wrong...

P.S Down with the JK groups on facebook. Ugh some of them are plain horrible, but the flood of these things are really starting to annoy me

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Miley Cyrus' Vagina

Miley Cyrus's Vagina

Dear Miley Cyrus

It has come to my attention that the Internet has procured a photo of you showing your nether regions to the world. I find this distasteful and a slutty juxtaposition to the once good image you projected on our youth. What happened to the good ole days of Hannah Montana, who could be tamed. What would Billy Ray and his mullet think of you doing this dirty deed for the world to see. You have honestly slandered the good name of your memoir by showing such lack of dignity and shame. I am writing this just so you know that me as a viewer of your program on the off occasion and the listener to some of your music, will not be taking an interest unless you talk about vaginas. You have set a bar for us as the public and now I expect no less than pubic, this is not my opinion but the possible opinion now of people expecting you and your vagina flauntery. As a young girl I would expect you to wear sufficient under garments, what sort of situation could arise at your age that would cause you to forget these crucial clothing items. I must say this has been a lack of judgement on your behalf and now people will be expecting a lot more, so ma'am be expecting a lot more creepy attention from stalkers and paparazzi as you have now set and vaginal bar for the media world.

From Sam

P.S Don't show your vagina again...

Letter to Lindsay Lohan More vagina where that came from...

Monday, June 14, 2010

Answers To The Questions Of Life

•Why are boxing rings square?
- Because UFC snagged the circles I think, pfft only the brutes get circles

•Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
- Hehehehe erect...

•If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
-well actually electricity is a biproduct of electrons so morality is must be a biproduct of morons... Pfft noobs

•Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
- Santa... Definitely Santa

•If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- People without nipples need plastic friends to feel good.

•If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
- Really hard

•When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
- Honestly... Who takes a picture of cheese.

•Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
- I still have fun with the Japanese edition

•Why do doctors call what they do "practice"?
- Well the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one

•If a missing person sees his/her picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
- The system I has beated it!

•How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?
- Santa...

•Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
- No one else does?!?!?!

•Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn’t usually wear any pants?
- Ever seen water matted pubes? Same dealio
Thanks to HEA
Cya round peeps, stay Santa... It's always Santa...

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Obama IS A Superhero

Obama IS A Superhero

So I have had a shocking revalation. Obama IS a superhero. Lets look at the facts.

In 1961, the year of Barack Obama's birth, the Soviet Union detonated a 57 megaton nuclear bomb on Novaya Zemlya and Marvel released Fantastic Four #1.


So what does Mr.Obama go as in the cover of night?

Barack O'Boom! *haha even I love my original super name*

So what powers does Barack O'Boom! Have?

He can shoot radiation out of his eyes!

Blow stuff up with nuclear fission!

Not care about oil spills *teehee*

The facts are right there people Obama is a superhero!

Friday, June 11, 2010

I Miss You

I miss you

I've been writing online for about a year now and I like to do poems every now again some are funny and some are meaningful. I've written this one in my spare time just a musing about the absence experienced while someone is away.

I Miss You

On long days arid from you I find myself alone,
gray skies present this deep feeling,
good days, good memories, wasted, gone...

Only for a short while I'll be myself again,
in summer? Autumn? Winter?
Not long to go, together soon my friend.

I do have what you've left to me I hope you have mine too,
a memory of times gone past,
for now though, I miss you.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Toilet Spurs Memory

The Toilet Spurs Memory

Well now I was standing at the toilet, slashing away *urinating* when I thought "man I should go get that song that I'm humming and singing to myself right now". So quite happy with myself and my decision to get this song I finished up and walked back to my computer. I sit down and start singing along to the Oasis that was playing. And oh no there it goes I can't remember which song I wanted to get. Arduously and tediously I start thinking, I think at one point I could smell the hair on my head burning from the over heating my brain was doing. I paced, I pondered, I got some oreos and procrastinated some more. This thinking was killing me I really wanted to listen to that song and I couldn't because I couldn't remember a single fragment of the song. At one point I even googled "how to remember things". Didn't really help out in the long run. I had a genius idea! And a genius idea it really was. I walked into the toilet. dropped my jocks and pretended to take a slash.

Nom on your poop
And there it was! The song I wanted to get, the one I'd drilled my memory for a good half an hour for. Right there sitting with me in the toilet. I didn't want to leave the bathroom in fear I'd lose it again. I got it though and might I tell you it was one of the most satisfying feelings finally remembering this song.

Come on people, tell me what you've just remember

oh and people, stay toileted?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Things We Shouldn't Laugh At But, But Do

Things We Shouldn't Laugh At But, But Do

We all know some things in life are just too awkward and nonsensical that we laugh at them, these same things also turn out to be "politically correct" and shouldn't be laughed at. But hey I don't care if I get frowned at, these are just a few things too funny to not laugh at.

1. Someone falling over

I'd like to tell you the story of Heidi Chen. She's a girl in my form class and she was also in my English class last year. She fell out of a doorway and landed on her feet. Yes it doesn't sound funny now but she then proceeded to crumble to the ground as if gravity was too much for her. After being degraded to her knees she then stood up and hit her head on the door. Instead of asking her if she was alright I laughed hysterically. If you'd seen it you would have done the same thing. Either way me and Heidi are still mates :).

He's all like "Floor! Catch meeeee!"

2. The German accent

O come on! Try to not laugh when you hear them say something. Especially if they say something in English. It's all like " Hehlo HGi! *I in German* am Clemens! But hey these people were born with these accents soooo we aren't allowed to laugh at them. If it makes it any better the British accent is pretty funny too.


3. Ginger people <---- *by Moi just btw, click link to see what I mean*

Hairy Mcflary, Fanta Pants, Gingernuts. just a few colloquial terms used for the inferiors, I mean equal human beings. No gingers are fine I know a lot of them and one of my besties anna is a firehead. It doesn't excuse how funny they are though. Agree? I feel sorry for them though they must get so many questions from douchebags like me being all like "do the curtains match the drapes?" or the more classic "hey ranga are your pubes ranga as well?" Live in NZ for awhile and you'll understand a heap more when i quote things like that.


4. Emos <---- *again by Moi*

Sissy, Poofta Boy, Not an actual person, "wow that kid's gunna be an asset to society." A few colloquial terms for Emos. Lets be honest they're not real people. More a joke invented by god for the rest of us to partake in. If they're in so much pain and emotionally hurting, why do they supposedly cut them self and cause more pain. Sounds like a bunch of damn pied nancy boys to me.

M for Massive!

5. People Failing On Camera

Actually what am I saying this is probably the apex of people we're suppose to laugh at. When you film yourself trying to ollie 5 steps or jump a gap. Expect the change in gravity caused by the act of filming yourself. You will fall and fail and not look cool in front of the possible 1000's of people that may see it if indeed it does get leaked onto the Internet.

Just remember, next time you see a slightly larger person try get out of the pool or a cat slam into a cat door purposely closed, instead of offering help or standing back and cringing. Have a laugh.

Cya people, stay laughing at the less lucky XD *I'm horrible mwahahaha*

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Eminem Recovery Leak

Eminem Recovery Leak

With all this modern day technology you whipper schnappers have been using piracy has become quite a horrid problem. My theory is, if your going to do it. do it LIKE A BOSS! It's a loss to see probably millions of dollars go down the drain or rather into pirates itunes libraries yaaaarrrr. Let me into ye booty? By the way that there is what I like to call sex addict the pirate.

But onto the serious point of pirating. Would you guys kill for the download speed of that chick in the pirating ads played before all the dvds you pirated?

Soooo if a movie is like 700mb to a gb thats like 70mb - 100mb a sec right? Where the hell is she getting her internets from? And to be honest I wouldn't steal a car I would feel way too guilty, however I would download one if I could :). Yaaarrr can I down a load on ye booty... O ew gross...

To be honest all the money these days must be in live shows. I've seen local NZ bands who are just getting their feet on the ground being pirated by people. In my opinion that is where pirating is bad. New bands need every cent, Eminem though he could probably do without the drug money. Ha please don't kill me I'm just joking :(

My salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance...

So I can't really say much more than bad luck buddy. It sucks that you're going to loss huge amounts of money to pirates who possibly are sex addicted. Yaaarr let me put my boom stick in your booty. All the best for your recovery hahaaaaa punny! No? Awwww...

Yours truly


P.S Stay off the sex yaaaaarrr

Friday, June 4, 2010



Well now I have been onto google trends and seen that "at" is a hot topic. So me being the resourceful and smart person I am decided to do a post on the word at.

ACHTUNG! This is a definition for below scroll down to source for skippers!

at1   /æt; unstressed ət, ɪt/ Show Spelled[at; unstressed uht, it] Show IPA


1.(used to indicate a point or place occupied in space); in, on, or near: to stand at the door; at the bottom of the barrel.

2.(used to indicate a location or position, as in time, on a scale, or in order): at zero; at noon; at age 65; at the end; at the lowest point.

3.(used to indicate presence or location): at home; at hand.

4.(used to indicate amount, degree, or rate): at great speed; at high altitudes.

5.(used to indicate a direction, goal, or objective); toward: Aim at the mark. Look at that.

6.(used to indicate occupation or involvement): at work; at play.

7.(used to indicate a state or condition): at ease; at peace.

8.(used to indicate a cause or source): She was annoyed at his stupidity.

9.(used to indicate a method or manner): He spoke at length.

10.(used to indicate relative quality or value): at one's best; at cost.

—Idioms at (someone), to be sexually aggressive toward (a person): She's pregnant again because he's at her morning, noon, and night.
12.where it's at, Informal. the place where the most interesting or exciting things happen: Emma says that Rome is definitely where it's at now.


bef. 900; ME; OE æt; c. OFris et, ON, OS, Goth at, OHG az, L, Old Welsh, Old Breton ad, Gk a- (< a pre-Hellenic IE substratum language), Oscan, OIr, Gaulish, Phrygian ad-
Now lets start off with the at in other languages

At in Arabic - في
At in Bulgarian - По
At in Chinese Simplified - 在
At in Chinese Traditional - 在
At in Czech - Na
At in Danish - I (danishes are awesome right?)
At in Dutch - bij
At in Farsi - در
At in Finnish - , (Is that a comma???)
At in French - à
At in German - an
At in Greek -  [[at]] (these online translators suck)
At in Hausa - Da (Waaaa where do they speak this?)
At in Hebrew - על
At in Hindi - को
At in Hungarian - A
At in Italian - a
At in Japanese - [[at]] (Conspiracy!!! Greek and Japanese are the same!)
At in Korean - 에
At in Norwegian - På
At in Pashto - و نه (Where do they speak this one too???)
At in Polish - Co
At in Portugese - em
At in Romanian - La
At in Russian - на (trololo guy is just saying at a lot!)
At in Serbian - Na (Czech and Serbian?)
At in Spanish - en
At in Swedish - på (Norwegian and Swedish? So much to conspire)
At in Thai - ที่
At in Turkish - 31 (31!!! O COME ON!!! A NUMBER!!!)
At in Urdu - میں

Danish *drools like homer*

So let me think of all the things AT can be used in.

- First of all speaking from my biological knowledge I'm going to say "AT"P. An acronym for adenosinetriphosphate. In a nutshell, ENERGY! for cells

- An AT is the abbreviation for something called an ampere turn.

At can be used in sentences like "You're so ugly no one wants to look AT you".

- AcTually *0.o?*

Ok so we've seen a brief overview of the word/preposition of AT hope you feel enlightened. :)

Life update.

Just started my 3 day underwater hockey tournament. It's late I gotta go to bed, wish me luck. Hope you enjoyed this post :)

"Sam you're awesome." Awwww readers right back AT you.

Stay happy people :)

Thursday, June 3, 2010

How To Give A Screaming Orgasm

How To Give A Screaming Orgasm

I may be only a young blogger but being on the Internet long enough and being at a few good parties you get a slight refinement for what the opposite gender like and prefer among other things. So today I'm going to reveal the secret to what everybody has been asking about for years past and probably years to come.

This may not be suitable for the young ones so keep nows the time to face them away and let them go play with their lego. Scroll down for the nitty gritty.

Just a little lower to and you'll know how to give someone a screaming orgasm.

Screaming Orgasm
1 oz vodka
1 1/2 oz Bailey's® Irish cream
1/2 oz Kahlua® coffee liqueur

Pour first vodka, then Bailey's, then Kahlua into a cocktail glass over crushed ice. Stir.

Caution: use only high quality vodka. Cheap vodka can cause the Bailey's to curdle. Test your brand of vodka by mixing 1 Tsp each of vodka and Bailey's first.

Well what'd you think was going to be here? Haha thanks to Sloshspot for the recipe. Hope I didn't waste too many people's time.

Catchya round people. Stay screaming

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Genetic Evolution? Or Butchery?

Genetic Evolution? Or Butchery?

Hey people I've been gone for a few days for a few reasons. I can't think of a post topic, been busy and I just got Bioshock 2! Now this solved one problem but made the busy problem a lot worse. So anyways it got me wondering about the concept of splicing genes, human parts and penultimately creating super beings.

So first of all lets look at the background of the Bioshock games. You're dropped down into Rapture as a human in the 1st and as a big daddy in the second. Bladee bla blaa... You face lots of splicers *pretty much once were humans now they're cut up (spliced) abominations. Rapture is an underground city in which they conducted many politically incorrect tests. Which caused a lot of screwed up people and plasmids *shoot fire from your hands yadee ya ya ya...*

Some cool concept art I found on google. Don't sue me!

Now this got me pondering how far modern science has come and the extent that one day people may be doing things like the scientists from Rapture have done. Not creating plasmids so you can shoot lightning from your hands but using enzymes and technology and all that jazz to rewrite the genomes of people to further improve or destroy them. I do biology at school and know for a fact that you can cut up certain genes from one organism and after a few steps and stuff you can have it functioning in another. It's crazy to think that in the future people won't be butchering genes from people and creating ideal DNA to plant in others.

Look at the recent biological advance with the creation of a synthetic cell. They can create DNA and no longer need another living organism to help them do it. Of course it will get to the stage where human rights come in and people start saying that you shouldn't be messing with the hand of god, but there will also come the time that people decide to defy the act of nature and create their own (splicer) to set upon the world. It may be for good, it may end up horribly wrong. I did hear from a very unreliable source *my friend...* that they've isolated the aging gene. If that's true people will stop dieing of old age.

No death? Happy old man!

Some may debate these sort of acts are modern evolution, without the selection pressures and works of natural selection at hand to change us as a human race. As I can see it Bioshock may have just proved a point that we shouldn't mess with what we're made of. My opinion is that you can't find out what the consequence will be if you don't take the risk. So I'm more pro DNA and gene butchering.

Give me your opinion!

Cya guys, stay unspliced :)

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