Paris Hilton's Crack

Ahhh I can finally steal away some lovely time to myself and indulge and a long awaited blog post in which I have been deprived of for what seems like forever. So as a way to get back into it. Time to rip on Paris Hilton.

Dear Ms Hilton

I am writing in sheer appal at your recent conduct. First and foremost lets get your past behind us in this letter of great concern. We know you haven't made the wisest decisions and know you have made quite the mistake of a tape in your history (tehee), but we can put that behind us as we have a new topic to adhere to. It seems you have been caught with  .8grams of cocaine. This isn't the first time you've been seen in association with drugs our dear socialite, no. This is in fact the second time this year we've seen you arrested for drug related allegations. How can someone of such high values *snigger*, with such great career prospects and future potential *giggle* find herself in a situation so absurd and uncouth? *holds back a cacophony of laughter* And so the world is once again in an awe struck and surprised state as you are carted away in the paddy wagon. *chuckles*. If you are to end up in jail I just want you to know that I send my best wishes that you aren't stuck with an overly large women named Leslie who bats for the opposite team *leaves room as to hold back overflowing urges of laughter*.

Best wishes on a bad topic
Sam

*falls to the floor in laughter*...

Follow me! Comment! Check out my other letters! Lindsay Lohan!, Miley Cyrus And Her Vagina, Lindsay Again..., Tiger Woods 


Cya guys round aye, Don't forgot to hold onto your coke properly :P

Dear Tiger Woods, How's Being Single?

Dear Tiger Woods

It has come to my knowledge that you have recently split up with your wife, and for that I am sorry. I do however like your views on teaching young kids about sex education as you obviously are quite adept in this practise. You're setting such a lovely image for your admirers

"13 years ago, my Dad and I envisioned helping children through education. That work is unchanged." - Tiger Woods

It is a great shame to see such an iconic figure such as yourself stoop to such lows but can we blame you? Long tours away from your wife, home and dearly beloved. It's all justification to have sex with over 120 women...

"Starting tomorrow I will return for more treatment and therapy"


The only thing I can pull from this is that you are starting to return to something? All I can say is that it is kinda sucky to see a great sporting hero to many go so wrong. It's like when Chris Brown ragdolled Rihanna or when we found out the only reason Paris Hilton was famous was because we could look at her naked on the internet. It's these subtle let downs I choose to prey on and make the best of. So in the words of Joey Tribiani

"If you're going to do it wrong, do it right!"


And can we deny that you didn't ole Tiger ole pal?

Yours with love
Sam

P.S! More grill letters! Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay again, Miley Cyrus

In all honesty though. My view on Tiger Woods professional career is unchanged. I still think he's an iconic golfer and to let his personal life get in the way of his image may be hard to look past (I'll refrain from the obvious self set up joke) but hey, life's life we gotta move on... And not have sex with everything in our path. :) 121... jeez...

Dear Lindsay Lohan

I am writing this in regards to your appalling lifestyle and the bad example you now set our once good youth. You see Lindsay there use to be good times when you weren't a drug abusing excuse for a human. Remember the days of movies like Herbie? When you played a good protagonist who didn't show her private parts because you were too lazy/ not so much of an attention seeking camera hoe to put on underwear. Now you've resorted to malicious parts in programs like Ugly Betty, job snaking and being a self centred douche like your misfit real life persona. With this steady decrease in your personal care for the showing of your nether regions I pose the quote that you once upon a good time said.

"Beauty is grace and confidence. I've learned to accept and appreciate what nature gave me."

We understand that you are confident with yourself but please. For the children stop showing your vagina! If you expose it someone is going to see it. You may not understand this but there is a cult of people following you around at every moment just for that exact reason. Unless you condone the creepy stalkerish exhibitionary then put it away!

"If I dated as many people as they said I have, then I would be dead, because it's just not possible."

This quote to me poses a question. Does having sex with them count as dating them? By the sounds of your profound mumblings it doesn't. I just ask that Lindsay you have some more courtesy for the public because we as a society don't have a choice to see this when your cooch shows up on the news.

Yours Sincerely

Sam

Put it away woman!

So yes that was my letter to Lindsay. Hope she gets it and feels inspired to take a different life path of sex, drugs and nip slips. Man do I feel dirty having to Wikipedia her movies and stuff and ew even worse quotes. I thought people who actually deserved it like Andrew Ryan got their quotes published on sites *just an FYI bioshock has some of my favourite quotes of all time in that game. Play it and enjoy it. go go go.*

Anyways see you cool cats later!