The New Urban Dictionary

Well I've shamelessly copied the idea from a fellow blogger so it's only fair he gets a mention. His ideas were very creative and so I thought I'd add my ideas and thoughts towards some new urban dictionary phrases.


So here goes

Crocodile hunter
 - Put on a balaclava and when talking use a husky unrecognisable voice (preferably Australian sounding). Pounce on your partner while unaware and try to perform intercourse while yelling *this shielas a fighter*
    - In dedication to Steve Irwin

E.g: I felt like Steve Irwin one night and I didn't have a crocodile, so I did the crocodile hunter on my wife instead

Lindsay Lohan
 - Inform your partner that you are acting out a jail scene. Your partner if he/she is open minded will play along. That's when you bend your partner over, start spanking said person, pulling her hair and shouting I've been a Mean Girl over and over again. Haha these Lindsay Lohan jokes just keep coming...


 E.g: This bitch I was banging was DUI so in suit I gave her a Lindsay Lohan 


Candle Wack
 - Tell your partner that if they make a sound you will proceed to slap them in the face with your penis

 E.g: I was tired from work and she kept trying to talk to me. So I gave her a candle wack. Now I'm facing abuse charges.


Cya peeps, don't do any of these...

Now people get following my blog and leave me some comments. I'm always keen to hear from you :D
*Squidoo update* I've got another lens in tier 3 which I think gives me another 8% of some sort of ad pool. So I'm really excited for the payday which looks like it might be bright XD

Do You Squidoo

Hello all and here I am today to tell you about something I'm just finding a new to me. It's the site squidoo. Yes another writing site for me to splurge on and again about anything I want to. It's got a unique system of putting lenses (pages you create) into tiers and then are payed accordingly compared to the overall lens rank that your lens has achieved. So I've been pondering at that site lately, making a few lenses and waiting till the next month to see if any of my better lenses rake in any cash. I'm staying hopeful but not expecting anything big. Wish me luck!

So here's the links to everything I've written there. Including the piece I wrote in the hopes of achieving affiliate glory when I was trying with the whole affiliate thing. Yea wasn't for me. I went back about a week back and found out that with the minimal views it achieved I'd still earned money so I was pretty stoked with that. Enough blabbering here's the links.

Fight Club: Mind Fuck Time
Bearded Dragons: Australian Lizard
Triond: No Money There (Rant lens, take a look anyway)
Bioshock 2 Big Sister
How To Create A Band, Album Name and Album Cover
The Affiliate Code (Lens which has proven earnings)

As always here's my Triond referral link

Riches Await!
*Update* Squidoo does referrals too!

So yea I've just been spending some time over there trying to earn a few cents. Apparently you aren't payed according to lens rank until after the first month. So I'm going to wait a month for my tier 3 lens to possibly earn some cash before I lose all hope in squidoo. But do get over there, thumbs up my stuff and let me know how I'm going.

I do love meaningless random pictures

So head over to squidoo, they've got a really friendly community and the future looks bright. I'll give you an update when I see what happens aye.

Cya later, Get earning

Now people it has come to my attentions that you aren't following my blog enough! Do So! Leave me a comment too they make me feel special :D

Slap Bet, Backhand Justice

If you haven't seen how I met your mother and don't know what a slap bet is you are deluded and need to go watch every single episode out.

How I Met Your Mother: Season One
How I Met Your Mother: Season Two
How I Met Your Mother: Season Three
How I Met Your Mother: Season Four
How I Met Your Mother: Season Five


There they all are for you so go and buy them or watch them illegally either way they must be watched.

So since our group of friends is all really poor, following the common suit of teenagers. We've decided to start betting the normal colour of our faces by starting slap bets. So when something needs to be bet on, we offer a slap that can be administered any time, place and side of hand.

Rules!

This must be governed by a slap commissioner, stating when the slap can be administered.
 - E.G My friend had bad razor rash so the slap commissioner called slapping to a halt for a day.

The bet may be placed on anything.
 - Most recently I won a bet about whether the crazy guy off American Idol was singing pants on the ground or pants on the floor. Of course it's pants on the ground so I won that without doubt.


This is an HQ remix but the point is the same.

So anyways I won the slap bet and still haven't slapped the guy, I'm mellowing it out and letting him live in fear for awhile.

So go forth and start your slap bets, of course you lose some but some you win... And that's when the game's fun.

Cya round people, stay slappy

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Thanks from Sam

How To Kill Someone

Well of course there are the traditional methods with guns and knives and other household appliances and gadgets that may seem quite brutal but how about the other ways? The ways only a teenage boy would think of?

The Grin

First of all you sit your victim in front of a T.V with their eyes taped open. They are then forced to watch Demi Lovato smile until they pass out unconscious and then inevitably die from exposure to too much gum. Thus this technique has earned itself the name. The Grin

Punny Jokes

Sit down a victim in a cold dark room. and flash a light in his eyes. You may want to administer a little beating as this will be the only fun you may have until the victim is stone cold dead. You must purchase said book The Best Book of Puns and then lecture, yes lecture him with every pun in this book until he has passed away, if the first reading does not kill him, swap readers and read again. Nothing is worse than hearing the same bad puns twice.


Sports Report

Now there is an old fart at our school who reads the sports report at every Monday school assembly, as we have been administered this verbal beating so many times the boredom does not effect us fatally, it can only be considered torture. At times when we think he's finished but continues the whole school actually groans. This is a new form of boredom. It's the sports Report.

Cya guy, stay alive :D

P.S Remember to follow me and check out my writing up there in the pages section, screw it here's a link for the lazy guys WRITING

Paul The Squid, Psychic Extraordinaire

Hello Hello Hello to all. Well it seems a worldwide mystery that a squid predicted the last 8 games of the soccer world cup correctly. Now I'm not one to believe in psychics due to various pictures around the Internet of silly looking psychics and that mathematicians can predict closer than some 'other worldly connectors'. So now we've got a squid predicting soccer games? What am I suppose to believe?

Ok so you have to check this out. I just saw a picture of a guy called Gary Spivey. You have to check out his site. He looks so bogus!!!

Gary 'White Wig Fail Pyschic' Spivey

I honestly couldn't believe that this guy had a website. I thought he was just a fail guy on a picture on the Internet. Turns out he's a white wig wearing full blown wierdo. 0.o

Psychics already look silly and sound bogus enough, why wear a silly white wig and preach out in a white suit to boot.

Now back to Squid 'connect to the future with a' word :D

It really is amazing that this little fellow picked the winner to every game. Some say it's like he was a lucky and just picked the right 50-50 every time. but that's a 1/256 chance, I think. Unless they had like 300 octopus octopee octopi just chilling in tanks somewhere in Germany, then it would fully make sense the whole octopus thing. It definitely does deserve some credit though, ya know lets not turn it into calamari. :D

Cya guys. Stay psychic!

Remember guys to follow me over there on the right and to check out my latest writing pieces.

Triond Rant!

George Steinbrenner, Yankees Dude

Quantity Over Quality

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Lindsay Lohan, Why Aren't We Surprised

Dear Lindsay

This is the second instalment of letters I have found myself writing to you. In the last letter, I talked about how you should go from being derailed to the straight and narrow but now obviously you haven't. I'd just like to point out you could have easily avoided going to jail but instead you avoided alcohol ed probation meetings to probably go get drunk. It is a sad state for the world when you may get payed more than in your whole acting career to be interviewed after you've been in jail. You should be fortunate for that priviledge, in NZ you'll get a slap on the wrist and a kick on the butt as you leave prison. Not a million dollars. Be smarter about life Lindsay. Don't drop the soap in prison, only god knows what goes down in the female prisons. See ya in 90 days.

Yours truly
Sam

P.S If you liked this letter to Lindsay follow me for more great posts!!!
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Finally if you want to read the letters to Miley and the other to Lindsay click below

Miley and her vagina
Lindsay... and her... vagina...

Project M!

I've been working secretly on a new project lately. It's going to be bigger than this blog and possibly finally earn me some money on this god forsaken wasteland we call the Internet. So I'll be travelling for a little while because it's school holidays and I'm in progress of Project M! It'll be awesome you'll love it. I'll love it. And see you in a while :). Sorry for the irregularity lately. Steadier updates will be online soon!

Stay awesome people!

How To Cure A Cold

Well I've been struck with a cold/flu/bodily disfunctionment that has left me bed ridden, coughing and spluttering, so in respect of this disease disabling the mighty Sam I'm going to show you how to cure a cold! Or at least how my mum and her wacky wife remedies would.

1. Don't be bold and go Rambo on the weather.
The strong and fierce Sam usually walks around on a winter day in underwear because he's tough and refuses to believe that if he gets cold he will get a cold. Getting a virus or a bacterial infection have no correlation to your temperature. HOWEVER, when you are sick staying warm is key. Rambo never cured anything or anyone before so going Rambo now ain't going to cure you.

2. Get yoself sum dat purple drank!
No not really the purple drank, but fluids. I went to the doctor today and she said lots of fluids along with keeping warm is what you should do. So this one can be backed up by someone knowledged in medicine, not a wife's tale 'this might work if we tell him it will' myth. I like soda water and this blackberry cordial stuff.

3. For the coughs use a spoonful of sugar.
Slow down there Mary Poppins, we aren't swallowing medicine we're coughing up pieces of our lungs. By spoonful of sugar though I mean honey. I'm not sure if it actually cured my coughing but you may as well try it. I mean lets placebo this up aye. The honey I took helped my cough a lot and provided me with cough relief. The top medical scientists call it honey cure... It's not bacon I swear.

4. Catch some Z's
This one I know works. Just have a mean sleep, put on a DVD and just sleep through it. You feel better after a nice long sleep. Last Friday I slept through the whole night got up had breakfast then slept till 6 that night. I felt a little better but because I was so badly sick I still felt pretty bad.

5. Take a long hot shower or bath
You feel good until you turn off the water and it starts to get cold, BUT until then it's really nice having a shower when your sick. I had a fever so everything was cold especially my feet and hands. So a nice hot shower made it feel all better. Apparently says my ex nurse mum 'it's bad to have your showers too hot with a fever'. Makes sense considering your already too hot. But heck showers feel too good.

There are some cool showers on google...

Lata People! Stay healthy over winter.

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How To Cough Up Pieces Of Your Lungs

It seems like only not too long ago I was sick with a common cold, well now I've got a full out flu of some sorts and I'm spluttering up what feels like my lungs. All my skin from waist up is sensitive like it's been sun burnt and I can't eat because I feel like I'm gunna spew. Ugh this flu is horrible...

Ester-C, OK so I've been chewing away at a few of these because apparently they're good for colds and flu's and people with scurvy. But what I really want to draw your attention to is the name of it. Ester-C... Does that not sound like Ecstasy? There must be a raise in drug addicts with colds these days.

Anyways I'm keeping this post short and sweet because I'm so sick... So very sick. At least I do sickness LIKE A BOSS! Ahhh who am I kidding... I pretty much slept the last two days straight...

Lata peeps, stay healthy :D